These Things Are Never Ok

I usually try to keep my blog material light and funny (thus hiding my true personality). However, this weekend I had an experience that quite upset me, actually, and thus the nature of this not-funny and not-light blog post. If you are the type that reads this blog just to laugh, skip this post and come back another day.

I want to address the issue of "these things are never ok: never say these things about or to your spouse in public." Now, I am not married, but I still know what type of comments could potentially signal "the beginning of the end." I have one tip for a happy marriage: never insult your spouse in public, even in jest, and never joke about leaving your spouse or finding another spouse. These, my friends, are comments that wreak havoc upon personal emotions and relationships.

What event could make me so passionately aware of this issue? I was riding in a car with some friends, including a married couple. I don't know the man very well (we are in a class together) and I had just met the wife. After hearing about some of my academic feats (I think it was somewhere between stating that I had 2 majors and 2 minors and I have TA'ed for 23 classes), the man turned to me and said, "Now Breanne, if things don't work out between my wife and I..." implying that things could work out between he and I. My anger and emergency systems immediately went on alert and, while trying to handle the situation as tactfully as possible, I suggested that it was already a little too late for that (and his wife stated, "But things have already worked out between us...it's a lot too late"). While the man was still laughing, thinking, I am sure, that it was a great joke, his wife said, "Why are we laughing about this? Am I supposed to think this is funny?" She was laughing also, but her words betrayed her possible hurt. I, on the other hand, was offended that I had been brought into and become the object of a discussion about the relationship of the man and his wife.

I didn't go off on a rant in the car. It is not my place to counsel individuals about their relationships and what they say in public. However, I think the mood in the car, while still laughing, made it clear that things like that were not ok to say (I did make some comment about how if it had been my husband that said that, "There would be h*** to pay tonight!"). Please, men, if you love your wives, don't ever insinuate that things won't work out between the two of you in public. And if you don't love your wife, don't say anything about her in public either. Things like these can become a hidden wedge that starts to tear marriages apart. Your wife is worth more than that. You are worth more than that. And  your current and future relationship is worth more than that.

I will finish this post with a story shared in the April 2011 General Conference by Richard G. Scott entitled "The Eternal Blessings of Marriage:"

"I remember one day I took some of those little round paper circles that form when you punch holes in paper, and I wrote on them the numbers 1 to 100. I turned each over and wrote her a message, one word on each circle. Then I scooped them up and put them in an envelope. I thought she would get a good laugh.


"When she passed away, I found in her private things how much she appreciated the simple messages that we shared with each other. I noted that she had carefully pasted every one of those circles on a piece of paper. She not only kept my notes to her, but she protected them with plastic coverings as if they were a valuable treasure. There is only one that she didn’t put with the others. It is still behind the glass in our kitchen clock. It reads, 'Jeanene, it is time to tell you I love you.' It remains there and reminds me of that exceptional daughter of Father in Heaven.

"As I have thought back over our life together, I realize how blessed we’ve been. We have not had arguments in our home or unkind words between us. Now I realize that blessing came because of her. It resulted from her willingness to give, to share, and to never think of herself. In our later life together, I tried to emulate her example. I suggest that as husband and wife you do the same in your home."