Pants, Feminism, and Mormonism (or When Charity Faileth)

I'm going to apologize right up front that my first blog entry after a decades-long hiatus (ok, just a few months) is one about such an emotionally charged issue, especially as it follows on the heels of the recent tragedy in Connecticut. With the rest of the nation, I am weeping for the tragic loss of life and the children and families affected by the tragedy. I hope and pray that they can find comfort this Christmas season as they, and others, seek for signs of God and His abundant love in the midst of this adversity.

However, I am sure that many women will still be wearing pants to church this Sunday, and I think that a response is in order.

Like many of you, I have been watching the "Great Pants Debate 2012" on Facebook with interest. I don't think that it's a surprise to anyone to know that I proudly identify myself as a Mormon, and I also proudly identify myself as a feminist. Am I a Mormon feminist? Yes I am. Do all Mormon feminists look the same? No, they most certainly do not. In fact, this article (which I highly recommend) sums it up nicely by saying that there are as many different kinds of feminism as there are feminists. Not every Mormon feminist will be wearing pants to church on Sunday.

However, as I have watched the Facebook debate, I've been struck by a few things.

First of all, I'm sure that many people are thinking, what's the big deal?

I think that many of my other Christian friends would think, what's the big deal? We wear pants to church all the time. Sometimes, if we want to get really fancy, we wear a skirt or a dress. But most of the time we wear jeans.

I think that some of my friends in my own congregation who are new members might think, what's the big deal? I wear pants all the time. I hate skirts and don't own any.

I think that many of the members of the small congregations I attended in the Middle East would think, what's the big deal? I wear pants and jeans to church all the time. I don't even own skirts. If wearing pants is the biggest problem you have to deal with, maybe you'd like to change lives with me for a week and then I can worry about wearing pants to church and you can worry about even getting to church.

I think that my religious Jewish friends would think, what's the big deal? We never wear pants...and you only have to wear skirts on Sunday. One day a week isn't that bad.

I think that many people in the world might think, what's the big deal? National tragedies are occurring and you are worrying about wearing pants to church.

And let's be honest, I think that some of my pioneer ancestors might just be thinking, what's the big deal? We had to wear BONNETS and PETTICOATS to church. Skirts are nothing compared to that!

However, as has been evidenced by my facebook feed these past few days, it IS a big deal to some people. And not just those who want to wear pants to church this Sunday.

I have been shocked and surprised at the vehemence with which some people branded those "filthy women who want to wear pants" as lacking an understanding their role as daughters of God; because clearly, skirts help to define us as daughters of God. "Those women who want to wear pants to church don't understand the priesthood, they don't understand what it means to be a daughter of God, and they don't understand how to access power in the church." Funny that a skirt can teach us all of that!

Others on my facebook feed felt certain that you can wear whatever you want to church..."but as for me and my house," they were going to wear a skirt because they felt that one should wear their "Sunday best"--which, after prayer and fasting, they have realized means skirts or dresses.

And of course, there were many advocates on my facebook feed for people to stop the hate: "It doesn't matter what people wear to church. If your personal worship of the Savior is challenged by women wearing pants, maybe the problem is with you and not with them."

Now, I don't want to offend anyone who has offered an opinion. Clearly this issue is highly emotionally charged for everyone involved. But I think it would be helpful to consider a few things.

First of all, I'm going to be honest. I don't always wear my "Sunday best" to church...or even to the temple. Sometimes my skirts are wrinkled, and most weeks I wear the same black skirt that I found at the DI for four dollars with a nice top that I found at Goodwill (also for four dollars!). Black is classy, you can rarely tell when it's wrinkled, and it makes it so I rarely have to make a decision about what to wear to church.

I've also been guilty about wearing distracting clothing to church, although it's usually my shoes. Red shoes, yellow shoes, platforms, 5-inch heels...I don't wear them to distract people, but they might be distracted.

It really doesn't matter what we wear to church on Sunday, as long as it is modest and we are there to worship God. When I was on a mission and investigators asked me if they should wear a short skirt or pants, of course my answer was pants. When they wondered if they could come to church without a skirt because they only owned pants, of course my answer was yes, the most important thing was that they were there, not what they were wearing.

However, I do think that it would be helpful if everyone could take a step back and look at the perspective of the "Other": in this case, our fellow sisters in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

First of all, this is not the first time that pants have been an issue (remember when women couldn't wear pants to the Testing Center at BYU? So glad that rule was changed. I hate taking tests in skirts!). I'm sure that many people responded to that women's letter to the editor with their own version of "women should wear skirts to the Lord's university. If you don't like it get out. You probably don't understand your place as a woman." But that rule was changed, and now no one, male or female, thinks twice about women wearing pants at BYU. It's not even an issue anymore.

Secondly, I think it would help everyone to actually read the reasons behind the "protest." It's not a protest, according to the organizers; rather, it's an effort to raise awareness about some of the issues of gender inequality issues they feel in the church. If you'd like to read an interview with them, you can do so here.

Third, when you know what some of their concerns are, ask yourself, are these concerns valid? Even if I don't have the same concerns, can I see how that would be upsetting to other women? Have I ever downplayed the role that women play in the church? 

If you can't understand any of these concerns, or how any woman could feel this way, perhaps it would be appropriate to ask a woman who does feel this way why she does. And not in a "I'm only asking because I want to show you that you are wrong" sort of way; rather, in a way that helps you to understand someone else's point of view.

And if you are a woman that is wearing pants to church on Sunday and you can't understand why a woman in your ward or branch would wear a skirt to church and never feels marginalized in the church, perhaps you could also ask her why.

Do I think that church should be a forum for advancing one's personal agenda? No. Do I think that church should be a forum for conversation, for learning to understand others' viewpoints, for learning about charity and compassion and love? Yes. And if wearing pants to church helps promote this kind of conversation and gives women the courage to reach out to each other in love and fellowship, in spite of their differing viewpoints, I think it is a good thing. However, if people respond in the radical ways that I have seen evidenced on Facebook, I think that it is obvious that there are problems that won't be fixed by wearing either skirts or pants on Sunday.

And finally, I'm just going to say that when men say things like "It's not about the pants and it's not about the priesthood," you're not helping. Even if you don't think it is about those things, would you feel validated if someone who is granted privileges that you don't think you have told you that those things don't really matter? I certainly would not.

I don't think that anyone new will be wearing pants in my congregation this Sunday, mostly because this seems to be a highly localized Utah thing. But for those of you who live in areas where this is an issue, I hope it can be a chance to reach out to others and understand the viewpoint of others which are different than your own.

I'm sure that in a few weeks, no one will even be talking about this anymore. The newspapers will have moved on to other things. My facebook feed will be full of other issues. But I think that if not handled with love and compassion, some women in the church (and perhaps even some men) will feel marginalized, offended, and undervalued. And for reasons that we might not understand, they might turn away and never come back. For this reason, I think that this issue is deserving of our attention, our prayers, and our charity. I hope this is a chance for members of the church to reach out to the wounded, the weary, and the lost...and help others in their congregation know what the phrase "Charity Never Faileth" really means.