elevators

i love elevators. i love the awkward silences that occur when several strangers are squished into an elevator together. i especially love it when someone is eating something particularly crunchy, and that is the only sound heard the whole ride.

crunch. crunch. crunch.

most of all, i love "funny elevator people." these are the people who do particularly awkward things on purpose on an elevator. i am not talking about those people who do those "things to do on an elevator" just to get a reaction. i am talking about people who do things that they consider normal but seem particularly awkward in a closed space.

for example.

one day last semester i was taking the south-east elevator in the jfsb. it was close to finals week, and i was feeling particularly stressed myself. as i approached the elevator i noticed an extremely agitated professor standing next to it, who was periodically sighing and pacing back and forth. when the elevator arrived, i calmly walked in and pushed what floor i needed, while the professor walked straight to a corner of the elevator and stood facing it.

no joke.

when i asked what floor he needed, he turned around, sighed, and said "one." the doors closed and down we went, with him muttering to himself the whole way.

and that was a professor.

yesterday, however, i met a real "funny elevator man." after i stepped onto the same elevator as was referenced in the previous story on the way to my class yesterday and the doors started to close, a girl rushed up so naturally i pulled the doors apart for her. she stepped on, apologizing, when funny elevator man said, in a natural british accent, "i guess we can spare 13 seconds of our time for you." when she said thanks, he said, "that was 13 seconds of our lives lost. we can never get those 13 seconds back again!" naturally, it was made even more funny because he had a british accent. (side note: i think people with british accents can say the same thing as someone else and sound 3x funnier. i don't know why it happens. but it does.)

everyone else in the elevator, who was not used to "funny elevator people," stood looking awkwardly at the floor.

naturally, i just laughed.