the other day i was handed back a paper in my english class. i got 9.5 out of 10 on it...a pretty good score. it was a write-up on a video we had to watch, and thus far i have gotten 9's on my papers. i would not have complained about the higher score, except i worked so much less on this paper than the others. i hated the movie, had no inspiration concerning its fulfillment of its purpose, and made that manifest in the paper.
and then i got a 9.5.
the problem is, the paper i turned in just before this was a much better paper. it drew out elements from the plot line and background that contributed to the literature we are studying. i felt passionate about the movie and even watched parts of it again as i was writing the paper. i created beautiful alliteration and illusions in my paper, and i felt like i fulfilled all of the requirements specified.
and yet i got a 9.
this "academic system" has really drawn me to be tempted to do poor work, or at least not as excellent of work as i am capable, because it takes so much more time and i often get better grades for what i have done on the fly. this was my attitude until i came back from jerusalem. i was so busy that i simply didn't have time for a hundred revisions, and i often finished my assignments 10 minutes before they were due. this system served me well, i was very efficient, and i got good grades.
and then i went to jerusalem.
and i tried to remember the classes that i had had, about jerusalem and the ancient near east, and i realized i knew nothing. i would vaguely remember that i took a whole class about the tabernacle, and yet i couldn't remember much beyond the basic functionality of it. after my class on mesopotamian archaeology, i could hardly identify the findings in museums. my knowledge, it seemed, had been dumped out at the testing center, never to return.
i realized this had to change.
when i returned from jerusalem, i threw myself whole-heartedly into my classes. i have never worked so hard in my life as i have in the past year. and yet i still find myself getting comparable or better grades on assignments i spend less time on. however, now i have realized that it isn't for the grade. while it makes me upset that teachers don't seem to recognize true effort, i have realized that my education is now for me. what i will remember later from my thousands of weeks and thousands of dollars spent on my education is entirely dependent on how i go about learning now.
it's a scary thought.
but today, i went into my arabic writing appointment. we have these every week and i have never been able to get higher than a 24 out of 25 from my teacher. however, this week i worked with some pretty complicated grammatical structures and used the new vocabulary. plus, my story was interesting and funny. and it took me a long time to write. in short, i was very proud of it.
and then i got a 25.
i guess some people are able to recognize and award true effort and work. but i guess i have realized that it doesn't matter to me anymore. even if i only get 9's instead of 10's on my response papers that i work so hard on, my entire way of thinking is changing. i amd starting to know how to think in the way that my classes teach me. i am laying the foundation for a lifetime of being able to study, whether it be english literature or arabic or hebrew or even music theory, and to study well. and to know my stuff. and to have my mind enlightened and expanded. and to understand what it takes to prepare your mind for pure intelligence to flow.
but i still think a's are nice...
and your paper today?
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